Do you want to change?
I had to make a conscious decision to grow my life into something better. Every night I would come home, turn on the computer and then play video games or stream a TV show until I went to sleep. A conversation with me would go. “League of Legends is awesome” then my eyes would dart to the floor and the conversation would end. I was satisfied until I realized how lonely I was, how unhealthy my body was, and how unhealthy my mind was.
After a few years of trial and error I’ve found what activities I love to do. When I do improv, write code or play basketball I feel completely in the zone. I love every moment. I know each one contributes to my physical or mental well-being. Even when I am making mistakes or failing, I feel alive. I was not lucky enough to find them at a young age. I pursued many other activities before I found what meshed best with me.
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You don’t know the shoe fits unless you wear it.
There is a movie called Vicky Cristina Barcalona. Two women are trying to find love. One has all her ideals of a man laid out and sticks to her plan of what she thinks is right for her. She finds a man who checks off all of her boxes. The other woman goes with the flow, dates all types of men. Her philosophy is to figure out what she likes by trying it out then deciding. Eventually she will find out who she likes by trial and error, the process of elimination. Who do you think ends up happy?
I love playing video games, but this goes deeper. I love playing multiplayer competitive high adrenaline video games. Growing up I played every type of video game you can think of. Role playing games, adventure games, text based games, arcade games, shooter games, think of a game genre and I’ve played it. Now I know for a fact competitive video games mesh the best with me. And the only reason I can say this with confidence is because I tried all the possibilities. I took this same method and applied it to life. I tried things which interested me: lock picking, water polo, hip hop dance, theater, cooking, drawing, philosophy, you name it! I’ll try anything once and if I like it, I'll take a class to see if it is worth pursuing and meshes with me.
Is watching TV doing something?
I wasted time binge watching TV shows and movies. I just got my high school degree and I was free from all responsibility. I didn’t know what to do, so I went to iMDB, looked up the top 250 movies and began to pirate them off of the internet. I watched movie after movie after television show. Months went by and I felt great, but at the same time, nothing changed. I was the same person with a little more culture. Once I began to take improv classes, practice shooting basketballs or write code did I start to feel a change.
I would see day by day I was slowly improving. I was outputting something instead of only inputting something.
Output means to produce something. Input means to receive something. Reading, listening and watching are inputs of information or entertainment. These activities have a skill ceiling. There is a max speed at which one can read a book, watch a video or listen to a podcast. What you can output makes you unique. This can range from folding origami, to the sentences you write or say, to the appliances you can fix or the sports you play.
Choose to pursue something which has an output. You can spend 8 hours a day watching movies, but I wouldn’t consider it an output unless reviews are being written or analytical discussions are happening. The difference is being able to create or do something out of thin air. Something active, where the mind is doing something, where the mind is not passive is what I consider output. Find your outputs to discover yourself.
The golden trio is emotional output, physical output and logic/technical/creative output. These 3 types of outputs combined in one person creates a well rounded individual. My outputs are improv and acting (emotional creativity), programming (logical), and basketball (physical).
How do you know what you like?
In high school I would only leave my room to go to the bathroom, get food or go to school. The one exception would be to watch Whose Line Is It Anyways on the family television. If you don’t know it’s an improvised comedy show which I found absolutely hilarious and beautiful. Fast forward and I’m trying to figure out what classes to take. I see an improv theater has classes, but I close the window. I went to visit my cousin in San Diego, she took us to a student ComedySportz improvised show. What I saw them do in front of my eyes helped me realize I can do that too. The second I got back home, I signed up and paid for my first improv class.
There are so many things to do in life, how do you know where to start? Ask yourself, What do I like to watch others do? This is a hint. Then ask yourself, what do I want to experience? With enough focus and hard work you can experience anything someone else has.
Are you afraid of trying something new?
I picked up my backpack and left the classroom, the teacher said “looks like we lost one” and everyone laughed. I went home and unregistered from the class. It was my first acting class at the community college. The exercise was for everyone to stand in a circle, you say an adjective which starts as the same letter as your name and then do an action. So for instance mine could be Creative Cameron! Then I do a jumping jack. But you have to repeat everyone else who has gone before you before you do yours. I was standing to the left of the teacher. That meant I was the last person. I would have to repeat the adjective, name and gesture of all 30+ people in the class. I was trembling, my throat became dry, and looking at everyones eyes around the circle made my heart beat out of my chest. After about 6 people taking their turn I left.
I went through an entire program of improv classes at an independent theater called the Made-Up Theater. Then I went back to the same acting class. The same exercise happened and I choose to stand to the left of the teacher. I stood there, watching everyone go, smiling, enjoying what each person did. When it was my turn, I knew it was going to be fun. I went through everyone’s adjectives and actions, it was thrilling, there was laughter, it was exciting, I got some wrong and I got some right. Then I said mine, Catch-22 Cameron and did a salute. What I learned was with enough experience the things that are scary become comfortable. It took me 21 improv classes to build enough confidence to go back to that acting class, but it was worth it.
A whole book can be written about the fear of failure, embarrassment or rejection. The only piece of advice I would like to give is. Don’t block yourself. Get out of your own way. If your youtube recommendation feed is full of hiphop dance videos, you are interested in hip hop dance. Take a class, give it a shot. Allow yourself to fail, take a leap of faith.
What is the worst possible outcome? You slip and fall, fracture your ankle and have to go to the ER. Even if that happens, you got a taste of what it feels like to do hip hop dance. Some serious popping and locking must have happened to get injured but whatever! You learned what it felt like to do the thing! If you remove the ambulance business from the equation did you enjoy your time?
If you realize why and how you fell down, you can learn and avoid that situation again.
Even when you make a drastic mistake nothing is lost, because it is an opportunity to grow. It is a loss if you don’t learn from the mistake and keep falling over and breaking body parts.
The best possible outcome, you found a new hobby. Who knows, you might be traveling the world performing dance shows in a few years! Would you want to spend the rest of your life not knowing if you like the thing without trying to do it? Will you let mental blocks get in the way. “I’m not athletic enough”, “I’m clumsy”, “I’m not coordinated”. Are these reasons actually true or just reasons for you to not put your neck on the line.
Children have an astonishing little fear of failure, because they haven’t been scarred. Usually something happens, a parent, teacher or ‘friend’ tells them they suck at this thing. Makes fun of them for trying and then begins the cycle of self-doubt. Fuck that noise, try something you always wanted to do. Try your best. Get excited for the mistakes. Mistakes are gifts. Gifts you can choose to open or leave to rot. These gifts are opportunities to learn.
Why do you like it?
I try to figure out what was the drive behind what I am choosing to do. Money, status(fame), fun, helping others, genuine interest? I always choose fun or interest.
I always ask myself would I do this for free? I listen to my heart and I am truly honest with myself. This removes money and status from the equation. If you are truly answering yes then you have found something you can enjoy doing for a long time. Hold onto it, do what you have to do to keep doing it.
There is a trap when one wants to help others. First off, kudos to all who see the world this way. Helping others, giving back are all great things to do. The problem is when someone gives more than they have to offer. There is a certain amount of selflessness which should be selfishness, take care of yourself first. When the airplane deploys oxygen masks, the mother puts her mask on before helping her children. Are you in a position to give your time and skills or are you helping others in an attempt to cover up your own deficiencies?
Being realistic with your goal in the thing you want to do.
I wanted to kiss the trophy and hoist it over my head. I lived and breathed starcraft for 6 months. I played for 8-10 hours a day. I watched professionals play. I read and discussed strategies. I was in the top 1.5% of all the ranked starcraft players in the world and I realized how much more work it would take for me to get to the top. That wasn’t a mountain I wanted to climb, I got far enough and learned a lot. I didn’t know the effort it would take to be the best at something and all I want to say is if you love it, go for it. The only warning I want to give you is to know how much effort it will take to make it in the creative world or athletic world.
My philosophy
I don’t know if I will like something unless I try it.
I have to try doing something in order to know if I like doing it.
I have to take a leap of faith and be ok with being made fun of, embarrassed or shunned.
No matter what I do, there is a good chance I am not going to be amazing at it when I first start. What I see professionals do is the result of years of hard work.
I am going to suck. Once I accept this fact doors of opportunity appear.
Resources
Steve Jobs Harvard commencement speech